Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
