Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Randomize
