I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
