i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
