there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
