Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
