How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
