hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
