You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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