STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
