I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
