I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
