is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
