this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
