Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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