I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
