Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
