You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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