aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
