and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We talked him into tasing himself.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
