well I can't set my house on fire every night
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm bleeding and have questions
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
