You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
