dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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