What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
