You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
