im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
A bitchslap is in order.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
