He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
