he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
