She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
