new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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