i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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