last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
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