what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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