They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
