just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
