I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
