i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
