we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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