There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's rum buckets o'clock
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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