I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Enjoy the penises
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You are a genius and a whore.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
