dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She told me I should be a condom model.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
