it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
