I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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