i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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