She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
