Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
