Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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