some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
foreskin is a definite game changer
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
