i barfeds in our rink
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
