you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
