my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
