got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
