I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I want a musical about memes.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
