my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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