There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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