sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
